we are no longer here. we have entered the future and there is no going back. when it is raining i can hear the voices of myself speaking back to me, from the past and from the future. they are usually not very happy things. sometimes i try not to remember happy things, only sad ones. i try to remember ever sad idea i've ever had.
someone once told me that the more times we remember a memory the less accurate we remember it. then they proceeded to assert that life's happiness comes from happy memories. the unspoken connection being that the foundation of life's happiness rested on a false ledge, overlooking the treacherous waters of Reality. but to me, this is all wrong. do you really get your happiness from your memories? then what caused the first memory? how did you even know what happiness was before you had it? or perhaps you learnt it by being not happy, and realizing the difference.
but all of this, as i said, is wrong. for me, happiness comes from people. it comes from loving other people, connecting with them. being with them. it comes from beauty. loving beauty, connecting with it, being surrounded by it. happiness also comes from hope and faith. without hope for the future, hope for the past, hope for the present--
is it weird that i have hope for the past? that i pray for people who have died long ago? since i believe in a God who is outside of time, i have no problems with praying outside of time. other people are not so sure, perhaps. i pray anyways.
happiness does not come from God. as a result of God, happiness exists. happiness, to me, is a response to something. it cannot exist alone.
well, perhaps because i think that nothing can exist alone. because i think more and more of how things exist inside of christianity.
don't get me wrong. i still see how they exist outside of christianity. but i like that i can see it inside chrisitianity, too.
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