"The sisters are watching their antiquarian interests, which date back to their childhood in Kansas, crest in their hipster-Brooklyn neighborhood, where every act seems framed in quotation marks."

this is going to be a stream of consciousness post

we are no longer here. we have entered the future and there is no going back. when it is raining i can hear the voices of myself speaking back to me, from the past and from the future. they are usually not very happy things. sometimes i try not to remember happy things, only sad ones. i try to remember ever sad idea i've ever had.

someone once told me that the more times we remember a memory the less accurate we remember it. then they proceeded to assert that life's happiness comes from happy memories. the unspoken connection being that the foundation of life's happiness rested on a false ledge, overlooking the treacherous waters of Reality. but to me, this is all wrong. do you really get your happiness from your memories? then what caused the first memory? how did you even know what happiness was before you had it? or perhaps you learnt it by being not happy, and realizing the difference.

but all of this, as i said, is wrong. for me, happiness comes from people. it comes from loving other people, connecting with them. being with them. it comes from beauty. loving beauty, connecting with it, being surrounded by it. happiness also comes from hope and faith. without hope for the future, hope for the past, hope for the present--

is it weird that i have hope for the past? that i pray for people who have died long ago? since i believe in a God who is outside of time, i have no problems with praying outside of time. other people are not so sure, perhaps. i pray anyways.

happiness does not come from God. as a result of God, happiness exists. happiness, to me, is a response to something. it cannot exist alone.

well, perhaps because i think that nothing can exist alone. because i think more and more of how things exist inside of christianity.

don't get me wrong. i still see how they exist outside of christianity. but i like that i can see it inside chrisitianity, too.

oh deers

how can i explain how ashamed of myself i am sometimes?

do other people feel this way too?

i am blushing up to my toes.

the almost moving day

my head and my brain are in an argument right now.


(my head keeps looking at my house and seeing it empty
and my brain keeps looking at my house and remembering it full)


internet can you tell me, who is right? which one is real?


(and you can't say both are real, internet. that is commonly referred to as a cop-out)

i read the girls of riyadh today and decided that life is exactly as romantic as you want it to be.

dreams

last night i dreamed that target had a bike sale ranging from 2.50 to 10 dollars and someone else got the last one.


i dreamed there was a hand in the morning to pull back my hair and touch my cheekbone.


i dreamed the internet was printed out on light gray paper.

excitement and introductions

okay, internet, i cannot sleep

i am too excited! and i forgot to order decaf.

but i am getting ahead of myself. first i need to mention that i almost told someone about you today.

but! luckily! he had already turned off his computer off for the night, and was in bed. so i didn't tell him.
so you are still a secret i have never told.

i bet you can guess who i almost told, internet. it was alton.

if i do tell people about you, though, you need to get a proper introduction:

alton: boyfriend forever / for life, depending on your preference.
pam-i-mean-sam-sams: bbbfff (extra letters may have been added for emphasis)
be matey brady: well i never see him anymore, actually. he is on his way to becoming a famous improv comedian entertainer. but i promise to let you know, internet, if he ever is around again.


martin the martian: he actually doesn't like being a martian. i don't blame him. he does like, however, playing scrabble in the grass while eating fistfuls of coconut. all of which i strongly endorse.
justin OF THE FUTURE. justin is actually of the past too, but he has been gone for what feels like three lifetimes and is closer to a year, being a grecian person in greece. so he is currently of the future. plus sometimes he is a prophet. unfortunately he is also for the moment invisible, since i don't have any convenient pictures of him.


those are the people in my life. if more people come in i will introduce you to them too.

oh dear and it is already 1 o'clock. i promised to try to go to sleep again at 1 o'clock. well, i will let you know a hint: i did go outside on the very last day of august, year of our lord, 2009.