Inbox 1/69

Date : Oct 29, 08:45 am
....................................
I love you! I feel so...
Relieved that i will be
able to see you and hold
you tomorrow. Its like
finally coming home
....................................
From : alton lee

the cincinnati morning time

this morning i come down early.

it is early because it is still dark outside

it is still dark outside because it is raining beautiful fat raindrops


our puppy dog seiji is thrilled to see me
he jumps and squeals and whines so i pet him
of course of course i pet him he is our puppy dog
and then he begs please please please
please what? i do not know.
so i start to make breakfast
please please please

seiji, what on earth do you want?
i follow him to the door
and he starts getting excited
please! please please!
i open the door.
then the screen,

bam! before i can get to the screen, seji pushes it open
and it clatters back. he is off!
he is running as fast as he can, past the trampoline
through the trees through the bush
it is the corner of our property!
he runs down down down to

i don't know. to what? 15 seconds after i let him out, he is back, wet and sound.
i let him back in.

what a silly puppy dog!


and now, dear internet,
he is asleep in my lap.

what a good puppy dog he is.

There are crazy people out there
and many having a better time than you.

--dallas clayton

these past three nights have felt like two years.

three thousand and seven days later
and she was still hungry

i say the word china over and over again until it has no meaning

beijing
china
i am hungry to be there again. to stand on dirty street corners and be lost between endless highrises that column up into the smog.

i can't think or look at china anymore. it is so beautiful it hurts too much.

and i don't want to go back for vacation either. what is a vacation? i want to wake up and find the morning market. i want to be part of the overwhelming mass of people on my way to work. i want to be startled by the mountains on a clear day, looking at the sky.

these are not things you can taste on a vacation. i have to live there again.

(6,7,14)

magic

so much has happened in one month

should i have written it down?


sometimes internet you scares me. when are you a beautiful place to share pictures and words and my heart, and when are you a replacement for life? an extension of life? an beautiful exaggeration of life that is impossible to be true?

(right now i have a confession internet. i don't want the photographer that we have. i could probably do without the dj too. but the photographer, he is a friend. and his pictures are boring.)

how do i explain this to you? i want magic. other people have magic.

the problem is i go to the taj and there is no magic. people promise its there but i can't find it. then afterwards they tell me that it was there and we saw it and
i want to believe them

but where? where was it?

maybe it was looking through the mirror to see a reflection of a person i know. maybe it was in behind the pillows that were sparkling and twisting in place. maybe it was in the curtains. maybe it was in the free pumpkin foods and the absurd karaoke and the silly stories ---

see i am doing it. i am creating magic for you.

let us be entirely clear:


there was no magic.